Give me Amnesia
by lilalexis131
Summary: A break up can be hard for anyone, but one that you cant understand why it happened, is even worse. And to make it worse, its who she ended up with that hurts even more. He tries to forget, but it doesnt seem to work. Songfic. Amnesia by 5sos. Swearing in the A/N otherwise its T.


_I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted_

_I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted_

_And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine_

"Slow the car here, Im going to walk the rest of the way" Kyouya's voice rang out in the silent car, his gaze set on something outside of the fogged windows reach.

"Of course, sir" His driver said, maneuvering the car to the side of the road to let the raven out, then watched his charge walk over to a low hanging tree, covered in snow. Assured that the young man would be fine left alone, the driver looked away, giving him privacy.

Kyouya sighed softly and touched the cool bark of the tree, closing his eyes quietly as he lost himself in a memory.

_"Come on Kyouya, you can't be done already! We've barely touched this bottle!" the soft voice of a girl spoke, her voice happy and relaxed. _

_ "If we drink anymore we won't make it to the party" Kyouya said, but took the bottle from her, going to take a long drink from it, missing the way the girls watched him closely until he went to hand the bottle back. "What? Do I have something on my face?" He asked, clearly confused and went to reach a hand up to his face as if to feel if something was there. _

_ "Nope, you don't, but…" She trailed off and moved to lean up and press her lips against his, the pressure of the kiss and the way she leaned into him betraying her level of intoxication. He sighed into the kiss and wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her close to him, letting her deepen the kiss and share the remains of alcohol on her tongue._

_ He pulled away after moments and smiled warmly down at her. "I love you…"He murmured softly pressing a kiss to her forehead and smiled more when she mumbled it back. _

"That night seems so long ago.."He murmured softly finally opening his eyes and looking at the ground down in front of him, a white blur of blinding snow. "things were fine then…"he said softly then frowned a little. "Though…i guess things are fine now too.."He added in an afterthought before moving to walk away from the tree, pulling his scarf up around his face and his coat tighter against him as he walked down the snow covered sidewalks.

_Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?_

_When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?_

_Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?_

_If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_

_'Cause I'm not fine at all_

Stopping in front of a hotel not far from the tree, Kyouya gazed up at it and couldn't help the scowl that crossed his face. "So much of a friend you were, too..Never supposed to go for your friends girl…"He said, as if the hotel were the blonde idiot he had called his best friend for years.

"Suppose this is punishment for something i did in life…Especially to her. Maybe it was you all along she wanted. You did have a crush on her back in high school…but…its my loss now…"He said as departing words to the hotel before letting his attention and memory go back to the brunette girl he loved.

'Did you ever love me, or was i just a cheap substitute for Tamaki…? I can see why everyone does like him…but all those years we were together…and your gone' he thought painfully, clutching his coat over his heart tightly, 'Not so much as a word from you since we broke up, too. Damnit Haruhi. What did i do wrong…Why won't you just answer my phone calls…Explain that to me.'

He had received word regularly front the Hitachin twins on Haruhi and how she was doing, and every time they told him she seemed happy, that she was all smiled and 'Im fines', it shattered the ravens heart a little more. It just didn't make sense to him. It was just like the day she left him. He couldn't make sense of that either.

_I remember the day you told me you were leaving_

_I remember the make-up running down your face_

_And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them_

_Like every single wish we ever made_

_I wish that I could wake up with amnesia_

_And forget about the stupid little things_

_Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you_

_And the memories I never can escape_

_'Cause I'm not fine at all_

His heart gave a painful squeeze as he remembered that day. He had been sitting in their shared apartments living room, his laptop balanced on his lap and a notebook next to him as he jotted things down. She had walked in with a large suitcase stuffed with her belongings, her face streaked with tears, the minimal makeup she wore, simple mascara, smudged black under her eyes.

He had asked what was wrong, she gave him some excuse that he couldn't remember, and then he was gone, left him staring at the doorway with wide eyes and cheeks wet with his own tears he doesn't remember falling. He still doesn't remember how long he had stood there after he left, he just remembers going into the room they had just until that point shared.

He hadn't moved out of the apartment, and even now, months, going onto a year, he was still assaulted with memories of the dreams and future he and Haruhi had discussed having together. They had talked over their future together, getting married, even having kids. They spoke of traveling the world together. Kyouya couldn't recall how many times he had to drink himself numb just to be able to fall asleep at night and hope for the memories to stop. It never seemed to work, and yet he continued to do it. He wished they would stop, but knew they never would.

_The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone_

_I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone_

_And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around_

_It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on_

_It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long_

_It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?_

_If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_

_'Cause I'm not fine at all_

He took a painful lung full of air in, then swore when his phone went off, starting him and he scrambled for the smart phone buried in his pants pocket to answer the phone. He stopped when he saw who was calling then sighed softly, looking at the phone a little sadly, then snorted slightly in annoyance, and stuffed the phone back in his pocket, without answering. Hikaru would call him back later, he was sure, yelling at him for not answering, but his ignored it as his phone continued to chirp out its ringtone.

Just like him not having moved out of the apartment he shared with Haruhi, his phone still was set to the background of the two of them at a holiday party one of their mutual friends hosted. He couldn't bare to change it, or delete any of the other pictures that still resided in his phone. It showed how happy they were together, and he wasn't ready to let go of her just yet, though he knew he lost her. He supposed he should be happy that she was happy now, and that he should be thankful that at least she was with someone that would take care of her, that he knew and trusted and liked, but he couldn't accept it. And because of that, it explained why he would rather walk the half mile to their old high school where the formal event he was supposed to be attending and be late. A quick glance at his watched showed him to be almost a hour late already. It explained the older twins call.

_I remember the day you told me you were leaving_

_I remember the make-up running down your face_

_And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them_

_Like every single wish we ever made_

_I wish that I could wake up with amnesia_

_And forget about the stupid little things_

_Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you_

_And the memories I never can escape_

By the time Kyouya reached the school, his face was chapped and red from the cold and the warmth from the building felt almost heavenly if he didn't feel almost smothered from more memories that tried to force themselves to the front of his mind.

Gritting his teeth slightly he shook his head quickly and continued to walk further through the school until he reached the ballroom and entered silently. Maybe if he stayed towards the back of the room, none of his friends would notice him and he would be able to leave sooner than he was expected to.

_If today I woke up with you right beside me_

_Like all of this was just some twisted dream_

_I'd hold you closer than I ever did before_

_And you'd never slip away_

_And you'd never hear me say_

Immediately that plan was shot down when he met eyes with the last person he wanted to. His grey eyes met her brown ones and they held each others gaze for a few minutes before he looked away first and down. His face that had once been flushed from the cold, was now flushed in embarrassment for some unknown reason, and his heart pounded in his chest with nerves. he needed a drink, and fast, if he was going to get through the night. The pain of seeing her, looking so…alive, was almost as painful as the night she had left him, then fallen into his best friends arms.

He swore softly and closed his eyes tightly, running a hand over his face tiredly for a minute before regaining control over his emotions and continuing over to the open bar. A drink of four should numb the feeling of wanting to wrap his arms around her. It should take away the pain that they used to come to parties like this all the time together. It should take away the pain for a little while. Give him some peace of mind and hold back the memories until he went home and fell apart in the privacy of their old shared home.

He wished he didn't have the remember sometimes, and hopefully tonight, the alcohol would for once do the trick.

_I remember the day you told me you were leaving_

_I remember the make-up running down your face_

_And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them_

_Like every single wish we ever made_

_I wish that I could wake up with amnesia_

_And forget about the stupid little things_

_Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you_

_And the memories I never can escape_

_'Cause I'm not fine at all_

_No, I'm really not fine at all_

_Tell me this is just a dream_

_'Cause I'm really not fine at all_

_A/N: lol heres another one. I suck at songfics but I'm having fun with pissing off the members of the eliminators. _

_Speaking of, HI THERE, HERES ANOTHER SONG FIC. OH NO. No, but really. Its bullshit. You shouldn't be reading fanfics then because *gasp* we don't own the characters and yet were using them._

_Fucker._

_Anyways. Im going to be posting a bunch of fanfics randomly, and I'm going to try an Attack on Titan one. _


End file.
